How to Set Intentions that Work
Hello dear friends, welcome to Mindfulness Mondays session 2!
Want to go deeper? Apply for 1:1 coaching with Ellie
If you don’t know me, my name is Ellie, I'm the founder of BIGSISTER. I am a mindfulness educator, writer, and professional life coach. And I'm here to help you live more mindfully.
And, actually, in a way, mind-less-ly, because we don't want your mind running the show.
Sometimes I get into the like, unfortunate mental groove that nothing is ever enough. Am I doing enough? etc. And if you can relate to that, the good news is, it's just a thought. It's just a thought. You don't have to
listen to it. And you don't have to suffer because of it. Or, you can listen to it and embrace it, send it love, and move on to the rest of your day.
Thanks to a request from one of you, we are going to be talking about how to set intentions and how to integrate them into your life. I recently have been educating myself on intentions because we talk about intentions a lot in ways that are kind of vague, like having good intentions when you go into a situation, having the wrong intentions, setting intentions, rituals to set intentions.
In this session, we're going to cover what intentions are, how to set intentions, how to integrate them into your life, and we'll go through a guided process to set an intention.
I love love love the book, The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. (affiliate link)
This book has helped me see myself differently and see my goals and my life in a little bit of a different context.
In the book, Zukav says, you create your reality with your intentions. And I have seen this work in my own life. So what does this statement mean? This means beneath all of the actions that you take in your life, the goals, you set, the people you talk to, the people you reach out, to the videos you watch, beneath everything you do, there is an intention that's already there. And the intention is actually the seed for all of your actions and the intention, not your action, determines your results.
Say you have a desire for fulfilling relationship. And beneath that desire for a fulfilling relationship, there is a desire to be safe. Your intention is to be safe. And at some point let’s say in your childhood, you learned that people are dangerous and can hurt you. You believe you have to protect yourself by actually keeping distance from other people. And so on the surface you have this desire for a healthy relationship, but your intention is to keep yourself safe from people, who you perceive as dangerous. And the strategy you have for that is to avoid people. So the actual fruit of this is going to be having painful, ambiguous, difficult relationships that eventually end. Because your true intention was to keep yourself safe.
I know that's really going really intense for, you know, noon on a Monday. But this is really, really important. Because we can say, oh, consciously, I have this goal to make $10,000 this month. But if subconsciously, you believe you'll be attacked if you do succeed, then you're not going to actually achieve that goal. And you're going to be frustrated when you don't even realize that your real intention is always to ultimately protect you. And we can get into all that in terms of ego at a future training.
But we don't need to, because all you need to know is that everything you're doing already has an intention to it. So if you're like, how do I set intentions, you're always already setting intentions.
Intentions are the real determinants of your results. They're not just something spiritual we do or something we do in our heads, there's an intention behind everything you do. And so before we dive into setting intentions, and what that looks like, I encourage you to write down this little piece of homework for yourself for this week, to just notice when you're doing something, ask yourself, why am I doing this? What's my intention? So for example, if you are, you know, up late at night binge-watching Netflix, you can ask yourself, why am I doing this? What's my intention? And being really honest and gentle with yourself. So your intention might be, I'm really lonely, and I want to fill this void. And I think this is helping me do it. And it's hard for me to turn the TV off, because I'm scared of the silence. Most people aren't looking at these things. So this already the fact that you're here. The fact that you're here shows you're on your path. You're not judging, you're not trying to fix anything. You're just becoming aware of the reasons you're already doing things.
So, that's step one.
Step two, we're going to set an intention for the rest of the year. So we're going to go through this intention setting process that are really like, I use it for my biggest goals, the things I most want to manifest in my life. And it's got a few pieces that are really, really important. So I will guide you through that right now.
Grab a piece of paper or pen you can get in a nice quiet space. Some of this will be thinking, writing stuff down. Some of it will be meditative, like actually like visualizing calming yourself down imagining what you want. And then some of it will be planning.
Take a deep breath.
We're going to start off with a question.
This question is designed to help you approach intention setting from a place of gratitude and wholeness. And that question is, what is one thing that has happened in your life by chance that has changed your life for the better?
One example for me is I, after I graduated from Berkeley up here in the Bay Area, I moved away for a year, I worked a little bit and then moved away. And then when I came back, I sort of defaulted to moving back to Berkeley, even though I didn't grow up here, I don't, a lot of my friends had moved away. And they ended up meeting my partner here. And that was something that like, I could have lived anywhere, and I came back here and I got to meet a pretty cool guy.
So thinking about something that happened by chance that has changed your life for the better, and then just feeling those feelings of gratitude about that, for that little tiny element of something special working in your favor.
We start with gratitude so that you're not setting intentions from a place of like, I really need this to happen, or else I'm not going to be okay, because that kind of energy doesn't work.
Second question: If you knew the answer was yes, what is the one thing you would ask for this year? And you can also apply this to any timeframe. So if you're watching this down the line, it doesn't have to be before the end of the year.
Take a moment actually think about what what what would you want to see happen for you.
Does this desire feel meaningful to you?
Does it feel deep? Would you still want this if nobody else knew that you got it?
What we're doing with that is aligning you to what this deepest part, like a soul level part of you, really wants instead of more surface level desires that can often lead to more suffering.
Next, write down the answers to the following questions: why do you want this? What is it going to do for you? For what purpose do you want it?
And then go ahead and write down the intention. The intention can be in the format of my intention is to end this year feeling grateful. Remember, your energy, where you're coming from, is going to be far more important than anything that you write down or what format you write it down in.
If you feel stuck, try going with what your gut says, the first thought that comes ot mind. And you can always explore this more later.
The next part is one of my most important practices. And I need to do this, and it's really important to me, and I've seen a lot of success come from it.
Ask for help.
You don't have to do this alone, dear friends. Ask for help. What does this mean?
There are options. You can go within and connect with a higher self. If you believe in angels and guides or a higher power, you can in a moment of reflection or contemplation or prayer, ask them for help to help you realize this intention, or something better for the highest good of yourself and all living beings, because we're all connected.
This can also on a physical level be about, going on LinkedIn and thinking, Okay, who could I connect with? Or who do I already know? Who could maybe give me some advice, or who can connect me to someone who can help me realize this dream or this intention? What kind of resources do you want? Do you want a coach? Do you want a teacher? Do you want to read some books coming to this intention from this place of like, wow, I am open to receiving help. I don't have to have it all figured out. I don't have to have it all together.
Being open to receiving help helps you get the help that you don't even know you need.
And now we're going to take a moment and we're going to visualize.
So take a nice deep breath in
and out
notice the stillness
the silence
almost like it's another presence with you.
Take another deep breath in
and exhale.
Continuing with those deep breaths,
form an image in your mind of what you seek. It can be anything at all, as long as it's clear and specific for you. Make your vision as clear and vivid as possible. See it or sense it as best as you can.
Imagine yourself enjoying the object of your desire. Envision yourself, jumping up and down dancing, celebrating, or envision yourself driving the car, living in the house, doing the job you seek, holding your finished book manuscript, working with people you'd love to serve.
Being with a partner of your dreams, enjoying these things and really seeing them as already being a part of your life.
Take two minutes now to envision this. And if other thoughts intrude, gently ease them aside. If your mind starts to wander, bring it back to your intention. Don't let doubt or fear diminish your enthusiasm. Remember, you are supported. Be confident that because you have this intention, it's meant to be yours.
So taking two minutes here to just enjoy the heck out of this vision.
just continuing to breathe deeply.
envisioning
that intention
coming into form into the world.
Feeling the feelings you would feel feeling grateful. And then when you feel ready, go ahead and open your eyes. Welcome back. I hope that was fantastic for you.
What we’ve done is done a seven step process.
The first step is approaching it with a put from a place of gratitude.
The second place is finding that intention.
The third step, figuring out why you want it connecting to your heart instead of any like external ideas of success or anything else.
The fourth step is writing down the intention.
Step five, asking for help.
Step six, visualizing.
And then step seven: now you're going to take your piece of paper or journal, and you're actually going to use the other excuse me, you're going to use the other part of your brain. Now we're going to actually get a little bit strategic and create a timeline. Now, the timeline may vary. Don’t worry about that. Just see what comes up.
Since we're setting an intention for this year, work back from December 31. So it's December 31. What are you so happy and grateful for on that day?
And then we're going to actually go back in time from the goal date. Like, okay, if on December 31, I have my dream, I'm in a different headspace. I'm feeling better about myself, maybe like you have a health goal. I'm feeling healthier, my weight is down this much if it's a weight loss goal. And so now, what did you have to do to get there? So actually going back, okay, a week before I hit this goal, and this is a mental game, because you're acting as if you currently already have it. So it's December 31. Today. So what did I do a week ago to help me on this path? And then write it down. Okay, what did I do at the beginning of December to help me on this path? And then write it down? Okay, what did I do November and then I would suggest going week by week, all the way to this week, all the way to today. So you're going week by week, but then the end of it is today.
And just trust. You're using your brain, you're using your analytical brain. But you're also like, using a part of your brain that a lot of people don't use, which is your imagination mixed with setting your goal and your intention. If you have questions, comment below!
Want to go deeper? Apply for 1:1 coaching with Ellie
